Funny Cat Sayings

My cat has a master’s degree in manipulation.

My cat thinks gravity is a suggestion.

My cat considers my keyboard a heated mattress.

My cat is the reason nothing stays on the shelf.

My cat believes 3 AM is breakfast time.

My cat has never respected a closed door.

My cat considers every glass of water a science experiment.

My cat is a professional furniture inspector.

My cat believes expensive beds are for decoration.

My cat prefers the box over the gift.

My cat’s favorite hobby is interrupting meetings.

My cat thinks my laptop belongs on the floor.

My cat believes curtains were invented for climbing.

My cat has a personal vendetta against houseplants.

My cat’s favorite meal is the one I haven’t served.

My cat considers the bathroom a public meeting room.

My cat believes my pillow is prime real estate.

My cat has a black belt in knocking things over.

My cat thinks midnight is the perfect time for gymnastics.

My cat believes every closed cabinet hides treasure.

My cat’s favorite game is disappearing before a vet appointment.

My cat considers my clean laundry a luxury resort.

My cat believes every empty bowl is an emergency.

My cat has perfected the art of looking innocent.

My cat thinks the television is a bird sanctuary.

My cat believes every shoelace is dangerous prey.

My cat considers my feet moving targets.

My cat has never apologized for breaking anything.

My cat thinks the printer is possessed.

My cat believes my dinner requires close supervision.

My cat’s favorite chair is whichever one I’m using.

My cat considers the Christmas tree a personal challenge.

My cat believes every paper bag is a secret tunnel.

My cat has more hiding places than a spy.

My cat thinks fresh sheets are an invitation to shed.

My cat believes every door should remain open.

My cat considers the kitchen counter a scenic overlook.

My cat’s favorite sound is the treat container opening.

My cat believes my phone deserves more attention from her.

My cat has mastered the art of appearing hungry.

My cat thinks the sink is a drinking fountain.

My cat believes 2 AM is the perfect time for a concert.

My cat considers every cardboard box a castle.

My cat has expensive toys but prefers bottle caps.

My cat believes my sweater is a scratching accessory.

My cat thinks the veterinarian is an international conspiracy.

My cat considers my personal space a fictional concept.

My cat believes every dangling cord is a toy.

My cat has the confidence of a lion and the size of a loaf.

My cat thinks I’m here to open doors and serve dinner.

Funny Dog Sayings

My dog has a better social life than I do.

The dog ate my motivation.

My dog’s bedtime is my bedtime.

I’m just the chauffeur for my dog.

My dog has never heard of personal space.

My dog considers every visitor a delivery service.

My dog’s tail has its own personality.

The dog made me do it.

My dog believes every package contains treats.

My dog is the neighborhood gossip.

My dog’s favorite sport is stealing my seat.

My dog thinks vacuum cleaners are evil.

I’m not walking the dog, the dog is walking me.

My dog has a PhD in begging.

My dog’s kisses should come with a warning.

My dog believes every squirrel is a criminal.

My dog has expensive taste and no income.

My dog thinks the mail carrier is suspicious.

My dog’s favorite meal is whatever I’m eating.

My dog believes bath time is a personal attack.

My dog’s snoring deserves its own soundtrack.

My dog is an expert in selective hearing.

My dog’s nose knows where the snacks are hidden.

My dog considers puddles luxury swimming pools.

My dog is the reason the couch looks like that.

My dog has mastered the guilty face.

My dog thinks every day is a holiday.

My dog believes the refrigerator is magical.

My dog is a professional crumb inspector.

My dog takes neighborhood security very seriously.

My dog has never met a sandwich it didn’t want.

My dog believes every car ride ends in paradise.

My dog thinks my bed is our bed.

My dog has perfected the dramatic sigh.

My dog considers fetch a management position.

My dog’s favorite toy is my favorite shoe.

My dog thinks socks are a food group.

My dog believes personal boundaries are optional.

My dog makes more noise than my alarm clock.

My dog thinks the backyard is an amusement park.

My dog believes every stranger is a potential best friend.

My dog’s favorite trick is pretending not to hear me.

My dog thinks the kitchen floor is a buffet.

My dog believes belly rubs are a constitutional right.

My dog’s greatest enemy is the doorbell.

My dog thinks my lunch is a team project.

My dog has never paid a bill but demands premium service.

My dog believes every blanket belongs to the dog.

My dog has the energy of a toddler and the appetite of a bear.

My dog is the only family member excited when I come home.

View our Merchandise